A Pint of Whine
by PWAAH
Summary: Darcy held up a bottle of wine in one hand and a pint of ice cream in the other.
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone you recognize (Darcy, Bucky, Steve, Tony, etc.) they belong to Marvel (Disney).

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Darcy held up a bottle of wine in one hand and a pint of ice cream in the other.

"It's chocolate mint, your favourite," she informed Bucky. He relieved her of the ice cream and she dragged him into the living room. "You might as well join us". Darcy called back to Steve who stood unsure in the doorway. He tentatively followed the two.

"What happened?" Bucky asked.

Darcy moaned, flopping onto the couch. "I messed up real bad this time."

"Is this about the guy you like?" sighed Bucky. Steve stared at Bucky incredulously.

"A month ago she got drunk, and I had to save her from a lecherous man who was trying to get her into a car. I brought her back to the Tower and she passed out in my room after moaning about her terrible love life." Bucky explained.

"Now whenever we-"

"You mean you," Bucky interjected.

"Sooner or later you're going to have something to vent. Then you can have your own Pint of Whine day." Darcy countered.

"Oh, is that what it's called. I just called it Drunk Darcy days." Bucky teased.

Darcy glared at him, then shrugged. "I guess that's true. You have the metabolism of a super-soldier and I'm just, well, me. In the meantime, I'm waiting for Stark to make an alcoholic drink strong enough to beat your Super Soldier-ness."

"Uh huh. And in the meantime, I'll be entertained by drunk Darcy antics."

Darcy raised her glass, "Perks of being friends with me. Where was I again? Right. I was going to call this Wine and Whining but this was punnier and also referenced the ice cream."

"Okay. So, what are you venting today?" Prompted Bucky.

She threw back a glass of the wine. "You know that guy I have a crush on? Well I've been flirting with him for two weeks and he hasn't made a move. Not even a sneak peek at the girls!"

She frowned at her boobs, "They've never not worked before now."

Bucky reassured her. "Maybe it wasn't the ladies. He probably knows that the Avengers will kick his ass if he made a wrong move with you."

Darcy laughed, "I have a feeling he isn't intimidated by the Avengers. Anyway, today he asked to talk to me alone. I was all 'it's happening' and I was totally ready to make out. I even rushed to the bathroom to primp and I never do that." She pouted. "There was no making out, just more paperwork for the Avengers." Bucky offered her a spoon of ice cream which she immediately stuffed into her mouth.

Steve moved to sit next to Bucky. "Paperwork… does your love interest work at SHIELD?" he asked.

"Yeah." Darcy took a swig of wine straight from the bottle. Steve raised an eyebrow.

"What does he do again?" asked Bucky.

Darcy waggled a finger at Bucky, "Nuh uh. I know what you're trying to do super-spy."

"That's Natasha," he corrected her.

"Right, that's 'Tasha." Darcy stood up to make her way towards the loveseat Bucky was sitting on.

Steve asked, "What are you doing now?" amused and exasperated. Darcy waved her spoon in response.

Steve obligingly passed her the ice cream.

After a few bites, Darcy took the bait. "Okay, fine. I'll tell you two busybodies."

Steve pretended (and failed) to appear uninterested while Bucky unashamedly scooted closer to Darcy.

"I need more alcohol for this." She muttered.

Steve leaned forward to hide the wine but Darcy grabbed it before he could get to it.

Darcy gulped down her liquid courage, "Dark and sexy is the head honcho at SHIELD."

Bucky thought aloud, "Met you after your stint at Mexico, dark skinned, head honcho at SHIELD. Who fits the bill?" It didn't take even two seconds for him to piece it together. "You like Fury!" He started to laugh but at Darcy's glare, he stuffed his mouth with mint chocolate ice cream.

"Fury? Really Darcy, you don't really mean Director Fury of SHIELD." Steve gaped at her.

"Hey! Don't shame my kink for older guys, grandpa." Darcy scolded, "I don't say anything about whatever it is you guys have." She said waving at the duo on the love-seat.

Bucky ignored the 'grandpa' comment, "He is just a little shocked Darcy. For goodness sake, he's Fury!" Then Bucky processed Darcy's second statement. He gawked at her, dropping the ice cream which crashed to the ground, some of which splashed out of the carton and onto his leg.

"My choco-mint!" Darcy cried out.

As Bucky stood up, the rapidly melting ice-cream slowly dripped off his pants and stained the fabric. "I got to go wash this off." He backed away from Darcy vowing to never let her get drunk again. Steve wondered what Darcy had said to spook Bucky so much.

"I was joking!" Darcy shouted at Bucky's retreating back. "Although if you guys are actually together… Oh. My. Thor. Tumblr is going to be SO happy. Do you know how much Stucky fan fiction is out there?" She giggled and reached for the wine again.

"Stucky? Fanfiction?" Steve asked Darcy, distracting her from her quest. This time, Steve successfully wrestled away the bottle before she got her sticky fingers on it.

"Y'know. Stucky; you and Bucky's romance. Fanfiction are the stories about it - written by your fans." Darcy saw Tony enter the common room. "There's also Stony; Steve and Tony." She giggled again, "Among other ships."

Steve was incredulous, "Is that some kind of joke!?"

Tony nodded knowledgeably, "Ah. Stony." On cue, JARVIS oh so helpfully brought up fanart of Tony and Steve kissing onto the TV screen.

"You set me up didn't you!" accused Steve. "I bet you planned it all. The pictures, this conversation. I bet 'Stony' doesn't even exist in real life!"

"Don't be ridiculous," chided Tony, "How could I plan Darcy telling you about Stony?" he argued.

Darcy nodded, "Stony is a real thing. Look!" She looked up the #Stony tag on her Tumblr app. More photos of Steve and Tony came up. There were photo-shopped and painted pictures of them kissing, as well as fanfictions about Steve and Tony's supposed romance. Steve paled as Darcy kept scrolling and more pictures loaded.

Steve massaged his temples, "Now that's ridiculous! What could possibly make anyone think we," he gestured at Tony, "are together?"

Steve swore he saw an evil glint in Tony's eyes.

"Doth protest too much, and you know what they say…" Tony said, "perhaps our fangirls are right. All our arguing is just unresolved sexual tension." Tony leaned into Steve's face and smacked his lips together in the parody of a kiss. Steve pushed Tony's face away in disgust.

Tony mock pouted then the evil glint was back. "You're so upset about Stony but I notice you haven't said anything about Stucky. Is there something you haven't told us about you and Bucky boy?" He waggled his eyebrow suggestively.

"No!" Steve all but shouted, blushing bright red all the way down his neck. "How can you think of something… something so…" He was at a loss for words. "He's my best friend." He finally insisted.

"Totally," Darcy smirked. "Best friends with benefits." Tony snickered.

"If it wasn't for Pepper, I would totally be up for watching some of that action. See who bottoms - unless you two switch things around?" Darcy gawked at Tony while Steve turned a sickly shade of green.

Tony shrugged, "It's ok if I say 'no homo', right?" He saw realization dawn on Darcy. She tried to keep a straight face but lost it, falling to the floor in laughter. He joined her and soon the two were laughing and crying on the floor.

Steve watched the two go into hysterics not understanding the pop culture reference. Feeling way out of his comfort zone, he walked away (more like ran) hoping to escape the madness before it infected him too.


End file.
